Seasonally Adjusted Shenanigans

Christmas. A word which brings both excitement and mild horror.

(Let me say now, that I am commenting on the “commercial Christmas”, not the religious holiday type of Christmas).

Hooray for presents! Hooray for foods which are never made at any other times of year! Hooray for lots of people visiting, music playing, stressed parents, strange routines and being yelled at for not helping spread the Christmas chaos!

Christmas is a time where I spend most of my time in my room, avoiding it all. With the exceptions of putting up decorations, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, I’m not really bothered.

I like the food at Christmas. I’m not one to turn down a good thing, though I fail to see why mum can’t make mince pies, baklava, biscotti and fudge, say, during summer. It’s the “Christmas season”, not the “season for yummy foods we don’t have the rest of the year”. Doesn’t have the same ring to it I suppose.

I do like putting decorations up! Definitely! Running around with tinsel round my head like a seasonally adjusted Rambo, attempting to place every single shiny string of glittery plastic stuff around the house. However, again I fail to see how snazzy lights and funny hats and tinsel everywhere, clogging up the Hoover, is a seasonally adjusted event. Why can’t we have this all year round? That would be awesome! Who on Earth decided that silver fringing made into a rope and stuck on trees could only happen in December? Down with traditions! Tinsel in July for everyone!

Christmas is apparently a family event. You’re obliged to visit people and to be happy about it, simply because it is Christmas.
“It’s good to have the family home for Christmas”
“Don’t argue, it’s Christmas. It’s the time of year to be happy”
Does this mean I can be a miserable old so and so the rest of the year, and only be happy at Christmas? Why not Easter?
“Be happy! It’s Easter!”
I have never heard anyone say that in my life. Ever.
I don’t like how I am apparently obliged to be nicer to people (I’m always nice, it simply isn’t possible!) simply because it’s the middle of December.
Also, why is Christmas a family event? Again, why not Easter? Birthdays? Actually, why not? Let us decree that every third Tuesday shall be the day of jolliness and cheer where families must gather in joy and frivolity!
I suppose the novelty will wear off, and then Uncle Henry won’t be able to make it, and someone else will have a meeting, and eventually, no one would turn up. So Christmas is more an excuse where, once a year (so everyone isn’t sick of each other) families gather to do whatever families do. Thus making sure that everyone sees each other at least once in a year. I also guess that the convention of being nice, would be useful in making sure the family don’t try and kill each other.
To be honest, it doesn’t need to be the 25th December. It could be my birthday for all the difference it makes.
Actually, my birthday is on “Wear a Hat Day”. That would be a great day for a gathering! We could give me presents, AND wear the stupid hats synonymous with Christmas!

Christmas songs. Why people? Why do you need to constantly remind us that we must be happy and jolly? I don’t care what you want for Christmas, and it’s always cold outside in Scotland. I don’t need repetitive, cheesy songs to tell me every single year!

New Year is another mildly confusing annual event. For some reason, the fact that another 365 days (or 366) have passed is a major thing to be celebrated. To me, December the 31st is only a day different from January 1st. Why don’t we have fireworks and champagne and stuff every time another month passes. Who decided on January anyway? Fireworks would be better on a night you could at least hope it wasn’t going to rain. In Scotland, it rains solidly from October to the middle of February. Noah wouldn’t know what hit him. We could have New Years fireworks with a barbecue in the summer! No! We must huddle up against the wind like a cluster of particularly miserable penguins, and watch the fireworks that mark the passing of 365 days!

I stay in bed.


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